Here I am, again sitting in a dark room laptop on my lap; at hours I should be sleeping. I was sleeping until, for reasons unknown, I awoke at 1:30 a.m. Initially I thought I’d go right back to sleep but as soon as I realized the song “Blind” by Lifehouse was playing across my mind clamoring for attention, I knew it was time to get up and take something to help quiet my mind (think herbal sleep supplement) so I could go back to sleep. That was over two hours ago. After lying in bed nearly that long I realized something wasn’t working for me.
The irony of this situation is that I actually went to sleep early in the evening, with the hope and desire to wake up feeling refreshed with energy, in the morning. By “morning” I had in mind 6 to 7 a.m., not pre-dawn middle of the night a.m.
At 3:10 a.m. I made my way to this dark front room. Rather than lie in bed with a million thoughts spinning in my head I determined I would blog, as somehow the process of writing extracts the mental thoughts, even if what I write has nothing to do with those original thoughts.
But before tackling that task I decided to youtube the aforementioned song. After listening to “Blind” I listened to another Lifehouse song titled “Broken”. I’ve really liked each of these songs, both the music and the lyrics; something about the lyrics resonates with something deep within me. I had the thought to post them on my Facebook wall but then hesitated as I fear people might think I was announcing something about my personal life since each speaks of lost love.
Thus we come to the purpose motivating me to write on this topic. For as long as I can remember I’ve loved and related so songs with lyrics deep and soulful, particularly those that speak of feelings related to lost love. Even though I am currently married to a man I love who loves me in return, I still appreciate this type of music. When my husband and I first got together I also listened to songs with sappy lovesick lyrics and enjoyed them, and I still enjoy listening to songs such as “Shameless” by Garth Brookes. However, just because something touches me deep inside when I listen to songs such as “Blind” or “Broken” does not mean my love relationship is in the crapper.
I think it’s more a matter of the reality that life, even in the best of times, still leaves us with a longing. I think it’s as Greg Laurie states it: deep down we recognize this world is not really our home; we long for something more. And no matter how much we love or are loved, by a fellow human being, that love alone will never complete us. We mortals simply cannot love perfectly. Yet I think I’m safe to say we each long to be loved completely and perfectly.
I think it’s this desire within us, to be perfectly loved, that can create frustration and subsequent dissatisfaction in our love relationships, if we don’t recognize it for what it is. I would suggest this to be a factor contributing to extra marital affairs—otherwise known as cheating, and marital break-ups—those who go from partner to partner looking for “the one”.
I used to believe in Disney; I believed the message of the films when they assured me once I found my prince I would live happily ever after. I now believe there is no such thing as “the one”. “Happily ever after” is nothing more than a fairy tale. And I no longer believe in “soul-mates”.
Years ago I was offended to learn husband didn’t believe in “soul-mates”. At the time our relationship was new and I was caught up in the euphoria that is so normal with a new love relationship and thus I just knew he was my “soul-mate”. Now, over a decade later, I realize that while I do love him and I do enjoy his company, he does not complete me. And I no longer expect him to complete me. However, I most certainly am not looking to any other man either because I realize an important reality: No man on earth has the capacity to complete me.
What I do know is I need to look to God to complete me. I now understand that this is the source from which I can anticipate perfect love. So long as I sojourn here on earth I expect to continue feeling that longing for home and that longing for complete and perfect love. In the meantime, now that I have gained this understanding, I can be okay with the imperfectness of human relationships in this life, while at the same time trying to keep my eye focused on the eternal goal: anticipating the joy, the peace, and the feeling of completeness that await me in the next.