Why do I believe?

Tags

Christ, Christian faith religion doubt, Faith, peace, Relationships, truth

Funny how something simple can lead to something more, and unanticipated….

I’d said I was going to close Facebook lest I get sucked up into the vortex of it and lose a portion of my life, but then…

I scrolled upon a posting of an acquaintance of some years back who had posted a question enough to keep me reading.

I read his reply to his own question along with the comments of some of his friends.

As the answer to his question is something I am passionate about in my own personal life, and knowing many are the scripture passages I’ve highlighted to attest to the fact, I decided to compile a listing of some that speak what I feel in my heart.

Below is a selection of some of them that testify to the heart of the matter.

I hope they are a blessing to you, or should it be you are one who does not yet believe, these might enlighten your mind and prick your heart so as to understand why those who do believe, believe.

St John 14:2

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man commeth unto the Father, but by me.

Psalm 28:7

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.

Romans 15:13

Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

Romans 10:9-12

9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.

12 For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him.

Romans 10:4

4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth

Romans 10:17

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God

John 20:31

But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name.

John 1:12-13, 17

12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:

13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

17 For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.

John 3:18

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

John 14:2-4

2 In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.

1 Thes 2:13

For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.

1 Tim 4:10

For therefore we both labour and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God, who is the Saviour of all men, specially of those that believe.

Acts 16:31

And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

Hebrews 11:1, 6

1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

Isaiah 40:31

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

John 4:42

And said unto the woman, Now we believe, not because of thy saying: for we have heard him ourselves, and know that this is indeed the Christ, the Saviour of the world.

John 10:38

But if I do, though ye believe not me, believe the works: that ye may know, and believe, that the Father is in me, and I in him.

Psalm 112:6-7

6 Surely he shall not be moved forever: the righteous shall be in everlasting remembrance.

7 He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord.

Ephesians 1:18-19

18 The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,

19 And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,

1 Peter 1:8-11

8 Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:

9 Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.

10 Of which salvation the prophets have enquired and searched diligently, who prophesied of the grace that should come unto you:

11 Searching what, or what manner of time the Spirit of Christ which was in them did signify, when it testified beforehand the sufferings of Christ, and the glory that should follow.

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The Familiar

Tags

Bible prophecy, bondage, eternity, Faith, God, Heaven, Hope, Lots wife, Moses, peace, rapture, slavery, Sodom and Gomorrah, Stress, Ten Commandments

I feel rather like the Israelites who grumbled in the desert after Moses rescued them from years of slavery and bondage.

As a kid viewing the movie “The Ten Commandments” I was baffled that these people grumbled and complained whining their desire to be back in Egypt, despite it being where they suffered in bondage as slaves. Where they nuts!?!

As an adult I realize it was the only home they had ever known, so despite being delivered from bondage and abuse, the effects of leaving behind their homes, routine and familiar food, prompted in them a desire to go back; they wanted back what, although painful,l was familiar and thus comfortable.

The desert experience with its daily dropping from Heaven of Manna for food, (day after day after day again, albeit free) was NOT familiar and provided its own sort of struggles and trials.

For a long time, not so unlike the Israelites, I too have cried out to God, but for different reasons. I’m not in bondage, I’m not a slave (despite the occasional wisecracks that come from my mouth to that effect), and on the whole I am not unhappy with my life, as it is now (excluding income taxes and the ill effects of stomach viruses).

But despite living in a comfortable home with a husband and family I love, with plenty of food to eat and basically good health, I still feel the pains and stresses of this mortal life; I especially feel it each time I am made aware of the acts of evil that are becoming ever more pervasive in this world.

I find I long for that something more that I seem to innately know is to be had; despite what is good in this life I still long to go “home”.

That said, now that I am coming to recognize the signs of Biblical prophecy being fulfilled insomuch that I recognize just how close it is to the time when our Lord, Jesus Christ, Yeshua, will return for His people, I find that, not so unlike Lots wife, I seem to have this inclination to “look back”.

In realizing life as we know it actually has an expiration date, quite possibly much sooner than before anticipated, I realize this life that has become so familiar will become a thing of the past for me.

With the prospect of leaving all that is familiar becoming more imminent, I’m no longer so anxious to say good-by. I find I’ve a new sense of anxiety over the unknown, as this life I’m living is one in which I’ve become comfortable in its familiarity.

Thus, despite my every confidence that that which is yet to come: being with the Lord in the beauty and peace of His presence, wherein no evil thing can dwell, is far greater and more beautiful than anything we experience on earth, I find I feel an anxiousness for all that is mine here and now.

It leads me to think about Lots wife. With the exception of Lot and his immediate family, the people of Sodom and Gomorrah were grossly wicked, having turned far away from God. In consequence, God’s wrath was to come upon Sodom and Gomorrah, but because Lot had not turned his back on God, God warned Lot, in advance, so that he and his family could flee the city before it was destroyed.

However, Lot’s wife, despite being warned against it, turned back and looked upon the city with longing.  This disobedience brought about immediate death to her.

As a child I didn’t understand why Lot’s wife turned back. I suspect a lack of faith in what was coming to her future factored into her looking back. That future was unknown and thus lacked the comfort of she already knew; that which was already familiar.

My logical mind recognizes that the things of this world pale significantly in comparison to what is promised those who love the Lord and choose Him.

Yet despite my faith in this, what I have and experience now feels very real to me, while what is yet to come is presently intangible and thus feels surreal.

Therefore I believe I understand those historical people a little better, and I recognize a need in me to be patient with myself as I strive each day to wait upon and trust in the Lord—and to wait and see.

Why Does God Allow Suffering

Tags

eternity, Faith, friends, God, Heaven, Hope, Jesus, Love, peace, Relationships, sorrow, trials

While there may be ample theological writings that attempt to answer that question, what I’m about to say is short, simple and completely based solely on my experience–and from my heart.

I believe, with my 53 years of living in which there has been no shortage of suffering, that God has allowed it in my life because while the experiences produced personal refinement, most of all it has served to create in me a deep and intense longing for the return of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

With all my heart I long for the peace and completeness only He can offer. I long for the deep and intimate love that can be found only in Him. I long to see Him, to be in His presence, and to feel His love for me.

And along with those I love, I long to live in the perfect world He has promised will be ours; a world wherein we will live in peace and harmony and love and completeness: forever!

Had my life been a journey of leisure and fun sans the trials and heartache, rather than longing to be with my God, I likely instead would have lived a life of selfishness and in a fruitless pursuit of a fountain of youth.

Instead, the sorrow, and pain and battle scars from the abuse and trails of this life have instilled in me an indescribable longing for the peace and joy God has promised to those who love Him, and my heart rejoices in my recognition that the fulfillment of those promises is so very close at hand.

The Ouija Board

Tags

atheist, Christian faith religion doubt confusion spiritual foundation, Devil, Evil, fear, God, Heaven, Hell, Jesus, Ouija Board, peace, religion, Satan, Theist

I was in the age of 10 to 11 when I arrived at my cousin’s house for an overnight visit.  While awaiting her arrival home my aunt sent me to hang out with one of my cousin’s friends who lived a couple doors away.  In thinking up some entertainment this girl suggested we play one of her parent’s board games: the Ouija Board.

In regard to this particular game, my parents had warned me against messing with it. However, now I was being given the opportunity, my curiosity outweighed my inclination towards obedience. There was no one else present in the home when this girl, my same age, and I took on this exciting venture, thus I suspect I might have been enticed as a partner in crime.

Sitting across from me at a small game table Lisa set the game up and instructed me follow her lead of lightly placing my fingers upon this little device she’d placed upon the board; a device which served as a mobile pointer.

Once we were set up she proceeded to speak a question, followed by us sitting transfixed as this mobile pointer proceeded to slowly move around the board touching various letters so as to spell out the answer.

After the first questioned was answered Lisa asked if there was something I wanted to ask.

I’d been properly warned this game was a tool of the Devil, and thus it was the Devil himself that made this thing work.

Thus it was I did not disbelieved my parents; rather I wanted to see it for myself; a reoccurring theme of my life.

So my question to the game was to ask what made it work. I forget now how the question was phrased, but the meaning was clear; I wanted to know the source of this games power.

Again with our finger tips lightly on the pointer device she asked my question. Figuring my parents knew what they were talking about I anticipated the first letter pointed to would be a “D”.

I remember being confused when, instead of the anticipated “D” it moved to the letter “S”

This letter was followed up by the pointer moving to the letter “A”

From there it moved to “T” followed by another “A” and then it moved to the letter “N”.

In that moment I felt a palpable feeling of fear come over me. Where just moments before I felt comfortable, I now I felt oppressed with fear.

I can safely say I was not the only one who had just had the crap scared out of me as it was an immediate mutual agreement we should put the game away.

After that I just remember sitting on a sofa feeling scared; a feeling that stayed with me for some time.

I had reason to believe, going in, that this was a “game of the Devil”. So it’s not like I was spooked by a new revelation of something I’d no clue of prior.

Instead I believe what happened is that what had previously been an abstract belief, in a moment became, for me, a real and tangible reality; what was once Sunday School and parental teachings now was made known to me by a firsthand experience.

From that moment on I had no doubt of the reality of an enemy of our souls.

More than just seeing it with my eyes, (i.e. that pointer moving about that board of its own accord and literally spelling it out for us),

I felt it to my very core.

A few years ago I shared this experience with a man with whom I had a brief correspondence in regard to a book he’d written. Due to the loss of the life of his beloved wife, to cancer, he became extremely disillusioned with the religion he’d embraced as a teenager and practiced well into adulthood. In his grief he determine this particular religious denomination was false so he dismissed all Christianity and fell back on the belief system of his youth- which is atheism.

Of my experience with the Ouija board he proposed there was a logical explanation. He suggested we’d moved that pointer about of our own accord. I argued that I know for a fact I did not. He suggested this other person had done so. I do not believe she did either. Based on our age and subsequent ignorance and lack of experience, if either of us had manipulated that pointer, we would have spelled out “D-E-V-I-L”.

I’m not even sure this girl realized how the game worked. Unlike me, she did not grow up going to Sunday school. I think to her it was just a mystical game.

As for me, I do believe in a literal source of evil. I believe Satan is real. Not only do I believe He is real, I also believe he is evil.

I think evidence of evil is all around us in this world. Also, I think my experience and thus exposure to the source of this evil is a mere drop in the bucket of all the exposure there is to this source of power.

There are those who claim God is silent; a claim many others would argue against, but, from what I see, the Father of lies, the god of this world, Satan, is anything but silent.

The  evidence of his work is becoming all the more prominent.

I don’t seek after him, but I hear enough to know there are those who do. I’d venture a guess they would argue vehemently to his reality.

Because I recognized that source of evil is real, I have confidence there is also a source of its complete opposite–infinite righteousness; an infinite source of goodness and love. I believe there is a God of Heaven, the creator of our souls.

Personally I choose God, the God of Heaven; the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; the God of the Bible. I much prefer the peace I find therein. I want nothing to do with the fear and oppression that comes with the evil one.

 

 

 

In Search of God

Tags

Apostle Paul, ascension, atheist, Case for Christ, Christian faith religion doubt confusion spiritual foundation, crisis of religion, Cruxifixion, Death, eternity, God, Heaven, Hell, Hope, Jesus, Lee Strobel, loss of faith, Love, Mormonism, peace, religion

I have a new acquaintance; someone I’ve never met in person; a man who read one of my blogs and challenged me in regard to its contents.  I’ve come to appreciate his challenge as it has led me to think further on the matter; to question some aspects of my belief system and thus, in the process of verifying what I was professing to believe, I came upon information that, upon further study, is enabling me to discover the teachings I’ve believed in regard to Hell may not be based upon truth at all, but instead appear to be based upon misinformation long since taught.

To that end, I am compiling information on the topic to present in another blog, to be posted in the near future.

In the meantime, however, this acquaintance has posed a thought which inspired the thought process leading to this blog.

As a child I witnessed my dad, a stanch Mormon/LDS (joined church to marry my mom) sitting at my (Southern Baptists, hated Mormonism, loved me regardless) grandparents table, arguing with his older brother, a preacher of yet another religious denomination (one I don’t recall).

I remember feeling very uncomfortable and a little embarrassed in seeing my dad sitting there vehemently arguing his position on religion. (This is not to say the Uncle didn’t argue just as much but in this case my connection was with my dad). I guess even as a child I recognized this to be fruitless, pointless, and just somehow wrong.

Thus it is I was raised being taught the belief system of Mormonism. Incorporated into this indoctrination was a fear that should I reject these teachings my eternal salvation would be in peril.

Imagine my crisis of faith when I reached a crossroads of disbelief brought about over years of analytical thinking combined with recognition of what I see as significant contradiction within the teachings and history of Mormonism.

A crisis of faith seems too weak a term! There were moments when I was scared to death!

I went from praying with all my heart for God to show me truth to praying, despite a fear I might be praying to nothing at all. There were times I prayed solely because it was what I knew by way of long established habit, and in my crisis I clung to what I could hold onto lest I completely drown.

Why this additional crisis? Because maybe not only was my, up to that point, culture built on a bed of slippery sand, but maybe even the teaching of a God was a lie.

It was in these moments of crisis that a thought of logic and reason came to my mind; a thought that enabled me to recognize a belief in my core, a recognition which reached beyond dogmatic denominational teachings.

After that moment many personal experiences began coming back to mind which reminded me of specific times when I became aware God was not hidden from me, but was instead manifested to me.

Again I was able to feel God within my heart.

From there I began a new quest for truth, for God’s truth, not man’s belief of truth. It’s been a step by step journey.

What I am coming to recognize is this is a personal journey. I can share of my experience and the subsequent beliefs, but I cannot give to someone else the reality or divinity of God. I cannot prove His existence. I cannot establish by way of science, or any other means that he is real. For that matter, I don’t believe I can say, and still be honest, that I know—as in knowing with absolute certainty, that God is real.

So I go with the conviction I feel because of what I’ve experienced, and I combine it with the written testimonies, as recorded in the New Testament, of those who actually witnessed Jesus Christ who testified of the literal reality of God.

These recorded histories are of men who literally walked and talked with Jesus. They saw his miracles performed. But most importantly not only did they witness him hang upon a cross until death, and witness his burial in a heavily guarded tomb, three days later they witnessed the empty tomb followed up by a literal physical witness of Jesus having risen from the dead.

I have never heard in all of history another who was clearly and definitely dead, buried, only to rise again three days later fully alive. Then even later still these same people witnessed this same personage, Jesus, ascending into the heavens.

Added to this witness are the recordings of the Apostle Paul who eventually died a martyr’s death refusing to deny Jesus Christ. Unlike those who walked and talked with Jesus, Paul did not find himself in the presence of Jesus until long after His crucifixion and ascension into the Heavens. Thus it is, when Paul witnessed Jesus, Jesus was in His Godly form.

I am aware someone can take any experience I might share with them and shoot it down by way of rationalization to suggest an alternate means whereby it might have come. I am also aware there are those that dispute the validity of the Bible. Thus it is I am grateful to men, such as Lee Strobel, a very educated man in possession of degrees both in Journalism and Law, who, while a practicing Atheist, took upon himself the challenge to investigate the evidence for Jesus.

In process of this investigation, Lee Strobel learned that not only is there evidence of Jesus in the Bible but there are also secular historical records that establish Jesus existed. In reading the subsequent book written based upon his findings, titled: The Case for Christ, I was able to learn there is also evidence to corroborate the claims of the Resurrection of Jesus.

It is because of the evidence established via his research that Lee Strobel embraced Christianity.

It is, in part, because of what I learned in reading Lee Strobel’s book, The Case for Christ, that I gained further confidence in my belief in the divinity of Jesus Christ, and that I can rest in my belief there is a God, and that he is not silent.

Despite this, unlike my dad and his brother, I am intentional about avoiding argument over religion, or faith, or God.

However I will gladly share my belief, a belief system that is still flexible and growing. I’ve come to realize I do not have all the answers and even in some cases what I’ve been led to believe may not be completely correct or accurate. If I become aware an aspect of my belief system is erroneous, I will stand corrected and present the new information I’ve obtained.

I’m on a quest to find truth, whatever that may be.

While I don’t desire to force feed my beliefs down someone’s throat, I do wish I could give to others this feeling in my heart; this feeling of calm, despite the storms of life; this feeling of assurance that there is a God, and that I am actually known and loved by Him.

There may well be those who could put up a good argument against my beliefs. But this is how I’m coming to see it:

Should, when all is said and done and I utter my last breath, it turn out I am mistaken, what possibly have I lost? Life, by its very nature, is harsh. Yet, during the storms of life, I am sojourning with hope and peace in my heart. Should I die and simply vape off into nothingness, then I’ll have spent my time of existence with hope in my heart, and the feeling of being loved, cared for and watched over by a loving God. I’ll have lost nothing but gained so much, regardless.

On the other hand, if God is real, and if God is infinite love, and if God is absolute peace, and if God is full of grace– upon my last breathe of mortality my soul will leave my body to be embraced into the presence of this wonderful God. And because of His love, peace and grace, this will be a God who loves me and accepts me despite all my miserable mortal imperfections.

Thus it is again I have lost nothing, but have in fact gained everything!

Either way, I win.

Safe People

Tags

confrontation, delusion, Domestic, family fight, feud, Forgiveness, grace, humility, Love, peace, pride, Relationships, safe people, truth

I was stunned. I stood and stared at what I’d just read and I was shocked by it. This initial reaction was followed up with anger; passionate anger! I was HURT! What I had expected from this person; a person I expected to not only love me but care about and support me, was completely opposite of what this person offered me. Instead of empathy and compassion the words in front of me expressed self -righteous justification, as well as condemnation directed at me.

This person had recently committed an act that hurt me. I don’t believe it was intentional. I don’t believe the person recognized they had caused offense. It was, in the most literal sense, a thoughtless act.

Actually this wasn’t the first time this person had committed this type of offense. In the past I’d let it slide; just as I’d let numerous offenses slide, by this person, and others, over the years.

The truth is I feared confronting this person.  I fear confronting others, period. It’s not an easy thing to do, and I’m primarily a peace seeking person.

Thus it is I’d developed a long time habit of stuffing away my hurt each time this person offended me; choosing instead to keep the peace to keep relationship.

In fact, I’d been doing this for so long I wasn’t aware I was doing it. It is another family member with a different type relationship to this person; thereby being afforded a different perspective, who was able to recognize what I was doing so as to be able to point out to me this behavior of mine.

This it is how I was able to become aware of something I’d long been unconscious to.

So, when this most recent offense took place, now that I was aware, rather than attempting to ignore it, I sat down and typed up a message to the offending party. Because the issue affected my emotions, before sending the message, I read it to my husband, seeking feedback, as I wanted to be sure my message was not offensive.

In my message I addressed the issue as I saw it, but as I did so I carefully assured the offending party of my love for them and assured them I did not believe they offended intentionally. I expressed my belief they were unaware and asked that they search their heart and seek the Lord in regard to the issue. I signed my message with love.

I saw nothing of the kind in their return reply.

Before long another family member jumped in demanding I owed the offending party an apology.

I OWED THEM AN APOLOGY?!

Apparently it was determined that because the offending party was upset by my confronting them, “I” owed “THEM” an apology.

Wow.

What should have been a matter between me and the party who offended me was now being blown up into a family fight as this family member was now including other family members who saw the situation from their perspective and gave absolutely NO consideration to where I was coming from.

I struggled for a while with self-doubt, questioning if I’d done something wrong. Ironically, it was within the pages of a book given to my daughter from the party who had cut us off that I read a paragraph which assured me that rather than doing something wrong I had in fact done exactly what I should have done; what I should have been doing all along.

In their book “Safe People” Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend write:

…”This is an important point. The areas that we usually most need to change, we are unaware of: know, but resist owning; or we know and openly rebel against. All three of these stances demand intervention from the outside. We need our brothers and sisters to make us aware of our behavior, confront our denial, and take a stand against our rebellion. If we remain in some hurtful or sinful pattern, a true friend will come to our aid to save us from ourselves.”

“…and we also need to make sure that we are not what the Bible calls a fool, someone who will not heed the discipline of others (Prov. 12:5, 15:5; 17:10). If we are, we are headed for destruction and many more ‘unsafe relationships’”.

…”It is also in our relationships that we learn the ways in which we fail to love correctly. It is only as we relate intimately to others in the body of Christ that we find out how unloving we can actually be. They tell us, we apologize, receive forgiveness, and then try to do better. Through this process of failure, forgiveness, and growth we find out the areas and ways we need to change, and God is then able to change us.”

“I would have never grown in the way that I needed to if I had not been involved closely enough with people that I would get tested. If we never have close relationships, we can be under the delusion that we really are loving. It is only in the testing ground of real love, not concepts, that we get stretched and tested.”

“We have talked about what safety really is: dwelling, grace, and truth. And we all need this safety from other people. God designed us for safe people, and in the context of his family of safe people, we can grow into the image of his Son, who was and is the ultimate Safe Person. ”

From the above, I recognized how detrimental is has been for this family member to be surrounded by people who are afraid to confront them when they offend. Under the misguided notion it is loving to shield a person from feeling hurt; by confronting them when they fault, we actually hurt them more because, in so doing, we allow them to continue in negative behavior which is detrimental for their spiritual growth.

I now recognize ALL of us need correction from time to time in order to recognize aspects of ourselves that we might otherwise not see. We can’t, and won’t, seek the Lord’s help to correct personal weakness if we are not even aware it is there. If we don’t seek His help in making the needed correction we will simply continue on in life in both ignorance and sin.

Getting it

Tags

eternity, Fishing, friends, friendship, God, Heaven, Hope, Jesus, Love, peace, Relationships

When I was much younger—mostly teenage years, guys used to get a laugh over my innocence, as often was the time something was said where the innuendo went right past me.

Even now I can see the laughing face as hands would swish past ears to illustrate how it had gone right past me. (Even that gesture had to be explained to me the first time it was used, lol.)

I didn’t mind the teasing as it was generally good natured.

Now, these many years later, apparently I’ve still been missing the meaning of some things. Unlike then, it seems now it’s concepts of a much more important nature.

Despite hearing something a multitude of times, the true meaning seems to pass beyond me until, at just the right moment, I suddenly come to understand in a way I previously had no idea.

Like just moments ago.

How many times have I heard the story of Jesus speaking to Simon Peter, asking “do you love me”? (John 21:1-19)

How many times have I heard the lecture “feed my sheep”?

How many times did the deeper meaning within this story whip right past me?

Let me try and explain.

I was reading the chapter titled ‘Peter’s Second Chance’ in the book: “Life Lessons with Max Lucado”.

Somehow, it would seem, the fact this story took place after, not before, Jesus was resurrected is something that had previously escaped me. But, while that is an important fact, it’s not the essential part, so stick with me as I’d like to share the story as I experienced it today.

Imagine a lovely day (okay, I don’t know what the weather was like, but for reasons I can’t explain I imagine it to be a lovely blue sky, sunshine filled day). Simon Peter and his companions were in their boat, on the water fishing. Fishing wasn’t going so well.

Does it ever when it’s a beautiful blue skied sunshine day?—seriously the best catch seems to come when the weather is crap, and the skies are ugly. Ah well… such is life anyhow…

From the shore a man queries as to how the fishing is going. From the boat he is informed– not so well.

He responds by telling them to throw their net to the right side of the boat stating when they do they will find some. They do as suggested and the net fills up to capacity; so much so they can’t pull the net up it’s so heavy with fish.  When this happens “the disciple whom Jesus loved” recognizes Him, and exclaims “It is the Lord!”

Simon Peter’s joy at this news is such he dives into the water to get to shore faster, so anxious is he to be near Jesus. The other disciples follow, in the boat, towing the net of fish with them.

Jesus, in his resurrected body, (remember, this all takes place after he was crucified and risen again) is sitting on shore cooking fish, with the intent to share a meal with his friends. Jesus instructed them to bring some of the fish they had just caught.

Together they shared the meal as Jesus feed them bread and fish. None of them even questioned if it was Jesus because they knew it was the Lord.

However, these details I’ve just shared are not what I’d hear quoted in the past. Instead the emphasis was placed upon how Jesus questioned Simon Peter: “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?” to be followed up with instruction to “feed my sheep”.

Until today, my recollection of this was the emphasis on the rendering of charitable service. I suspect it was likely Sunday lessons on service for which this passage was quoted.

Today, however, as I read “Yes, Lord; You know that I love you”, then “Feed my lambs”, I thought, well yes, if we love Jesus then we love others.

Again Jesus asked “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?” Again Peter replied “Yes, Lord; You know that I love you”.  Jesus then instructed him “Tend My sheep”.

A third time Jesus asks the question and by this time Peter is troubled that he’s being asked what he knows the Lord knows, so his reply is “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You”.

In the process of reading this it was impressed upon my heart the actual nature of this relationship between Jesus and Simon Peter; they shared a true and genuine friendship. Peter loved Jesus, Jesus loved Peter.

Peter did not relate to Jesus as a feared leader; as The Holy One in the way one respects an austere religious figure.  While it’s evident he recognized Jesus as the Messiah, the son of God in flesh, he loved him in the way you and I love a living, breathing, true and genuine friend. Jesus and Peter shared a true, genuine, real friendship bonded by love for one another.

As the understanding of this hit me I felt sadness. The thought in my mind was how I wish I could have that type of relationship with Jesus. I wished I too could share that same bond of loving friendship.

And that is the moment it hit me: this realization; this strong impression on my soul; this recognition; this understanding, that this very thing is what Jesus actually wants with me.

My soul was rocked by the impact of this enlightenment in such a way it made me cry. Never before had it occurred to me that, just as with Peter, James, John, Andrew, Bartholomew, Jude, Matthew, Philip, Simon and Thomas, and even Judas, Jesus also loves Me and desires an eternal friendship with Me.

Like as for them, His blood was also shed for Me. Thus I too, can be washed clean of my sins, and have eternal life.

But my relationship with Him is not limited to that.

Like with them, apparently he also desires a friendship with me.

I HAD NO IDEA!

This concept had never occurred to me before.

But, here’s the thing: to my awareness, I’m not anything that spectacular—after all, I’m just me: a semi-normal, average gal who hasn’t done anything spectacular (that I’m aware of) and certainly nothing that has gained me any formal recognition.

So, since Jesus is actually aware of me and desires, with me, the kind of friendship he shared with his disciples: a living, breathing, face to face association; a sharing food and conversation type friendship; a friendship to be experienced in resurrected bodies throughout eternity in the eternal world to come, then this can only mean I’m most certainly not the only one in this modern world whose heart He longs for.

So, the question begs: are you letting Jesus into your heart?

Are you seeking to know Him, to love Him, to be one of His disciples?

Do you want to be?

Are you answering the door of your heart when He knocks?

Because most likely He is standing there, waiting for you.

He is coming

Tags

despair, Hope, Jesus Christ, last days, natural disasters, peace, second coming, sorrow, terrorist attacks, war

So, on Facebook I’m seeing a lot of personal photos embedded into the French flag.

I’m wondering what flag folks will embed their photo into next; this assault on Paris is not a first and I’m very confident it will not be the last terrorist assault.

I truly believe we are entering the “last days” as prophesied long ago. Pay close attention to all the world events and the natural disasters that are coming in close and rapid succession. Put the pieces together and compare to Biblical prophecy and see if you see the same picture I am coming to see.

I’m not afraid; I’m excited. That said, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m NOT happy about natural disasters, I’m NOT happy about wars, rumors of wars and pending world war. I’m NOT happy about terrorist activity.
But my heart leaps with joy to see actual signs of HIS coming. I’ve long looked forward to the return of Jesus Christ.

My life has been full of sorrow, so my lifeline; my hope, has been placed in the promised joy that will come with dwelling in the presence of God.

I once had a personal experience, very short lived, of feeling peace beyond anything this life has to offer. I truly believe it was a gift from God; something I very much needed to give me Hope so I could find the strength to stay among the living.

I don’t exactly know what my life mission is, or why God wanted me to carry on, but having that glimmer of Hope was essential.

And just when I began to weary my hope was in vain; that maybe there really wasn’t going to be “last days”; that maybe Jesus was not really going to come again to earth, then, at last, the tide began to turn; things started happening world-wide.

And I’m not ‘gonna’ lie–I started to get real excited.

But, like I said before, I’m excited not for the sorrows; I’m very excited to meet face to face with our Lord!

beyond willpower

Tags

Depression, Happiness, Love, peace, Stress, Subconscious, Success

When I first saw the title for this book my thoughts were along the lines of “oh boy, another one of ‘those’ books”. The title: ‘beyond willpower-From Stress to Success in 40 Days’ is written by Alexander Loyd, Ph.D., N.D. and states: “The Secret Principle to Achieving Success in Life, Love and Happiness’.

I’m hard pressed to say how many books I’ve started to read that were to help me be more successful as opposed to my usual manically busy, over-stressed, under achieving, highly disorganized life.

Thankfully, before completely passing it by, something in the description of this book caught my attention enough to draw me back to consideration of it. I ordered it and immediately within reading the first pages of the book recognized this was going to be anything but “another one of those books”.

Instead this book have proven to be a fascinating, highly insightful book that delves deep into the makings of someone like me; a woman who has lived over half the average life span frustrated, depressed, and feeling relatively unsuccessful.

However, it doesn’t stop there.

Now that I have a good understanding of how the experiences of my early beginnings served to create the dysfunctions of my life, the author has also provided tools I can utilize; tools to reprogram my internal programming so as to bring healing to the wounds of my past while creating a new internal programming; one that will enable me to find internal peace and live my life with love.

Important to note is that the principles and tools taught in this book are founded in and backed up by science, a fact that leads me to believe it’s solid information I can trust.

I highly recommend this book; I share about it with anyone willing to listen. I appreciate the opportunity to have been able to read it free of charge, via Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest review.

My Time of Silence

Tags

Autism, Down Syndrome, DPchallenge, joy, peace, sorrow, special needs child, trials, trust in God

It was in the early ‘70’s that I was first exposed to the song. One of my mom’s youngest brothers had come to stay at our home a short period of time after graduating high school. He was excited about this song and artists he’d discovered and was sharing the music with my mom. The song was “The Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel. Hence the beginning of my love and appreciation for Simon and Garfunkel and all the beautiful music they created.

However it would be many years to come before I would fully appreciate the meaning behind their words.

“Hello darkness, my old friend,
I’ve come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.”

While I’ve had many seasons of sorrow in my life, the most profound, to date, began July 15, 2004. I was two and a half years into my second marriage. This day found me, my husband, my son and a few extended family members at the maternity ward of the hospital, eight days prior to the originally scheduled date, for a caesarian delivery of the baby I was carrying in a breach position.

This pregnancy was not something I’d have written into my life plan, but I do believe, for reasons I still don’t clearly understand, it was a part of Gods plan. At the time of this baby’s birth my youngest child had just celebrated his 15^th birthday. My firstborn was stationed in Germany, serving as an Intel Analyst in the Army. Prior to this pregnancy I’d had visions of pursuing the college degree I should have pursued as a youth, but didn’t due to fear and the programing of my upbringing.

As he had no children from his first marriage, my husband was ecstatic about the forthcoming birth of this child; his one and only. I cried the day it was confirmed I was pregnant; mine were not tears of joy.  My husband, on the other hand, was so excited he had me use four pregnancy test strips—just to be sure.

Perhaps in part due to my husband’s delight over this surprise in our lives, I soon warmed to the idea of another child, despite the life changes I knew were ahead of me. Due to a curious experience I’d had when my son was only a year and a half old, I was convinced this child would be born a girl.

As with both previous pregnancies, with this pregnancy I was careful to eat healthy and abstain from anything that could or would be harmful to my unborn child. Aside from feeling horrifically nauseous the first few months I had an uneventful and otherwise “normal” pregnancy; that is until the last few weeks when the baby wouldn’t turn into the birthing position.

I was given the option to allow the medical people to attempt turning the baby. I opted to forgo that procedure because, no matter who I spoke with, no matter what I read, I did not feel good about that option.

July 14^th I went to my scheduled doctor appointment, after experiencing some pains the day before, and learned that “this baby needs to come now”. So it was the date for her delivery was moved ahead by eight days and we were to the hospital on time that July 15^th.

My darling baby was brought into the world and promptly whisked to the nursery without my even being able to look at or hold her. While I was on the delivery table being sewn up, the pediatric doctor and my husband came to where I was lying so the doctor could informed me she suspected our baby might have Down Syndrome and gain my permission to run some tests.  In the moments to follow my body went into shock. No matter how many warm blankets, no matter how many reassuring words a nurse offered, I couldn’t stop shaking. I didn’t need them to run any tests, I already knew.

While I didn’t realize the significance as they happened, during those nine months of pregnancy I saw children with Down Syndrome practically everywhere I went. I swear I saw a different special needs child about every time I went to Costco. One day I stopped at a crosswalk to let a group of kids, accompanied by a few adults, cross the street. All of the children had Down Syndrome. Just prior to my baby’s birth I spent time researching for reasons she might be breach. One possibility suggested Down Syndrome; an option I quickly refused to accept.

Of those moments after her birth, it was then that I then knew.

The days to follow were some of the most painful, heart wrenching days of my life. I had to fight to see my baby as, it seemed, the nursery doctors were so reticent to release her. Their excuse was a little water in her lungs at birth, for which they gave her oxygen. But she was otherwise very healthy.  As they were wheeling me to my room after delivery, I was the one who said, “Shouldn’t I be able to see my baby?” It was as though they thought I didn’t even want to!”

I think it was day three of her life Brian accompanied Elayna for her first hearing test. As I sat alone in the hospital room I sobbed the tears of a broken heart as I cried out, silently, to God, telling him this was the hardest trial he’d ever given me. In that moment I truly believed this to be so.

And so began a time of silence in my life. While I did not cut myself off from God, I did close off from the world. We’d been living in the city close to shopping and the many other perks of city life I so enjoyed. Three months after Elayna’s birth we moved into a house in a very quiet, rural, migrant farm workers town. The house we purchased backs up to farmland.

While I didn’t realize it at the time, we purchased solitude and silence.

Many are the hours I spent rocking in a chair, holding my infant child as I gazed out across that fog laden farmland simply absorbing and relishing the quiet. No longer did I listen to beloved music contained on dozens of CD’s. The TV remained off during the day. I no longer phoned my favorite sister in law for weekly chats. Brian was away to work most of the day; my son spent his days at school; Elayna and I spent our days at home in the solitude of silence; a reality I didn’t seem to be aware of for the time I experienced it.

Because my child hadn’t died, I didn’t recognize, at the time, that I was grieving. Because I didn’t recognize I was grieving, it wasn’t until much later I came to see and understand the months and years to follow served as a time of healing. I don’t fully understand how, nor do I understand why; I just know that it did. It was an early summer day when I recognized I’d crossed the abyss and was ready to come back and dwell amongst the living.

On this particular day, as I stood at our patio door watching my little toddler joyfully playing outside amidst the wonder of God’s creations, I recognized within my heart this incredible feeling of love for my child. I assure you this was absolutely not the first time I felt the love I have for her, but there was something uniquely different about my feelings just then. In that moment I’d come to a place of true peace about her disabilities, and I realized how much I truly loved her just as she is.

I recognize now, I’d come to a place where at last I could place my hand and my heart, in an act of trust, in God. While I didn’t, and still don’t, understand his purpose in creating my child with Down Syndrome, a condition further complicated with the effects of Autism, he is in control, and I can trust him that ultimately all will be well. In the meantime, I had found acceptance with what is; I was at last at peace about it.

Beginning that day and in the years to follow, despite the inherent challenges of raising a child– let alone a child with special needs requiring additional effort and infinitely more patience on the part of her caregivers; I can find joy in living. Our house has long since been filled with music; with laughter; with energy and fun. Our time of silence had passed; a time that served us well in its intended purpose, until we could leave sorrow behind and find our way back to joy.

 

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