I feel rather like the Israelites who grumbled in the desert after Moses rescued them from years of slavery and bondage.
As a kid viewing the movie “The Ten Commandments” I was baffled that these people grumbled and complained whining their desire to be back in Egypt, despite it being where they suffered in bondage as slaves. Where they nuts!?!
As an adult I realize it was the only home they had ever known, so despite being delivered from bondage and abuse, the effects of leaving behind their homes, routine and familiar food, prompted in them a desire to go back; they wanted back what, although painful,l was familiar and thus comfortable.
The desert experience with its daily dropping from Heaven of Manna for food, (day after day after day again, albeit free) was NOT familiar and provided its own sort of struggles and trials.
For a long time, not so unlike the Israelites, I too have cried out to God, but for different reasons. I’m not in bondage, I’m not a slave (despite the occasional wisecracks that come from my mouth to that effect), and on the whole I am not unhappy with my life, as it is now (excluding income taxes and the ill effects of stomach viruses).
But despite living in a comfortable home with a husband and family I love, with plenty of food to eat and basically good health, I still feel the pains and stresses of this mortal life; I especially feel it each time I am made aware of the acts of evil that are becoming ever more pervasive in this world.
I find I long for that something more that I seem to innately know is to be had; despite what is good in this life I still long to go “home”.
That said, now that I am coming to recognize the signs of Biblical prophecy being fulfilled insomuch that I recognize just how close it is to the time when our Lord, Jesus Christ, Yeshua, will return for His people, I find that, not so unlike Lots wife, I seem to have this inclination to “look back”.
In realizing life as we know it actually has an expiration date, quite possibly much sooner than before anticipated, I realize this life that has become so familiar will become a thing of the past for me.
With the prospect of leaving all that is familiar becoming more imminent, I’m no longer so anxious to say good-by. I find I’ve a new sense of anxiety over the unknown, as this life I’m living is one in which I’ve become comfortable in its familiarity.
Thus, despite my every confidence that that which is yet to come: being with the Lord in the beauty and peace of His presence, wherein no evil thing can dwell, is far greater and more beautiful than anything we experience on earth, I find I feel an anxiousness for all that is mine here and now.
It leads me to think about Lots wife. With the exception of Lot and his immediate family, the people of Sodom and Gomorrah were grossly wicked, having turned far away from God. In consequence, God’s wrath was to come upon Sodom and Gomorrah, but because Lot had not turned his back on God, God warned Lot, in advance, so that he and his family could flee the city before it was destroyed.
However, Lot’s wife, despite being warned against it, turned back and looked upon the city with longing. This disobedience brought about immediate death to her.
As a child I didn’t understand why Lot’s wife turned back. I suspect a lack of faith in what was coming to her future factored into her looking back. That future was unknown and thus lacked the comfort of she already knew; that which was already familiar.
My logical mind recognizes that the things of this world pale significantly in comparison to what is promised those who love the Lord and choose Him.
Yet despite my faith in this, what I have and experience now feels very real to me, while what is yet to come is presently intangible and thus feels surreal.
Therefore I believe I understand those historical people a little better, and I recognize a need in me to be patient with myself as I strive each day to wait upon and trust in the Lord—and to wait and see.