In thinking back on it, I realized I could have guessed something was coming. Yes I did notice and think it curious that this song kept playing through my mind; when I say continuous I mean it very literally, for the previous 48 hours.
I do like the song, very much. I was very touched by its message the first time I heard it. But to wake in the middle of the night to hear it playing in my mind, after noting it was playing in the background of my mind (each time I paid attention) throughout the day, struck me as curious.
So within the first day or so after waking up in inexpressible pain, the fact that song had played through my mind continuously for 48 hours prior to being struck with this trial was not lost on me. That very first morning, prior to being able to take a first dose of prescription pain meds, I cried out to God: “WHY THIS!”
I’ve known pain and I’ve known sorrow, but to date, I have never known endless physical pain in the level it is debilitating.
When, on the third day, something shifted somewhere within my hip/back, so that the intense, continuous nerve pain settled down to a low roar, rather than an intense roar, I was so thankful. For the first time I could now carefully hobble on my feet, as opposed to only being able to crawl, and even sometimes not being able to manage that as the attempt left me lying on the floor crying in pain.
Thankfully after a week that included a massage and a chiropractic visit, the pain became bearable so long as I was continuously on medication. After a second chiropractic visit and massage there were days I was able to go long stretches with minimal medication in my waking hours, but nights were terrible. I was waking every two hours in terrible pain that had me taking another Excedrin and hobbling about to shake things loose, then massaging pain rub up and down my entire leg from my hip to my ankle on the outer side of my thigh and shin. The pain seemed to originate from my hip joint.
I’d yet to see a primary care physician as I’d lost touch with the one I’d found four years earlier as she had moved from the facility where I once saw her, and I didn’t know where she’d gone. Thus far I’d only been able to get into see a Holistic Doctor. He set me up with natural pain meds and the massage therapy. The natural pain meds worked along with the OTC drugs and helped reduce my use of the harsher medications; I appreciated this as I worry about the health of my liver. The massages helped ease the tightness of my muscles from the cramping that came with the pain.
By the end of week two I was doing better in the day time, as far as pain. I was still unable to walk or be on my feet for more than a couple minutes at a time. However, the loss of sleep for not only me, but also my husband was taking its toll. My husband insisted I go to the ER for an MRI as thus far we’d failed to get a referral for one from the Holistic Dr. As this problem was not resolving on its own, we wanted to find out just what the problem is.
A visit to the ER turned out to be frustrating at best. As I feared, the ER doctor deemed an MRI unnecessary. She must have had a preconceived determination of my condition even though she didn’t actually even examine me. She politely but condescendingly informed me MRI equipment is very sophisticated machinery and as I’m not a professional athlete or dancer I didn’t need one. I figure what she meant but wasn’t saying is that as I’m a lowly housewife who likely strained a muscle reaching too far across the coffee table for another bon-bon while watching my soaps, I merely needed a shot in the ass (which she provided) along with a prescription for a sedative, which she prescribed. The shot for pain actually caused me more pain as my leg muscles were already extremely tender. The sedative did NOTHING for reducing pain which is what was preventing me from sleeping at night.
The only good thing that came from the ER visit is they are a part of the same network that my previous primary physician is a part of and thus through a serious of phone calls I was able to get an appointment with her two days later. From her I was issued a prescription for drugs that actually afforded me a full five hours of sleep before waking with pain and I’ve a schedule MRI to see what the heck is going on with inside my hip and leg.
The day after my appointment with my primary physician my husband was driving me to another massage appointment. On the way, on the radio this song came on again. It was the first time I’d heard it in over two weeks. I recognized it with the first few notes and said to husband: “This is my theme song”. Normally I’ll sing along with the songs I really love but this time I could not as almost immediately I began to cry and continued to cry through the whole song.
Before my massage the holistic Doc came in asking some question and had me lie on my back then asked me to lift my right leg, which I did with no problems. He then instructed I do the same with my left; just attempting to lift it cause sharp pinched nerve pain to radiate in my hip and groin.
After my massage, while in the car waiting for my husband to buy slushies for the girls, I, seemingly randomly, tucked my right foot under my left thigh. I then pulled my right knee towards my chest holding it in a mild stretch. I then let go of my knee and for unexplained reasons it seemed to suddenly drop. In process of that drop I heard and felt a very loud POP in my groin. It scared and startled me, but I quickly realized I felt no pain so hoped it was not a negative. On the way home as I told Brian about it I realized the pain in my hip seemed to have eased up.
The next morning, although I still HAD to take narcotics to sleep (that pain is still alive and well) I noted my gait is improved. Then I got curious so laid on my back on the floor and repeated the leg lift. This time I was able to lift my left leg with NO pain!!
In sharing about this to my adult daughter, she suggested it quite likely my hip had popped out of socket!!
What’s scary about this is if this is correct, then I have almost three weeks of possible damage due to it not being corrected right away. As I’ve had a slippy joint for some time, (I now recognize the many symptoms of the past to suggest this) I’ll go ahead with the MRI as I still have plenty of pain and discomfort and don’t have any desire to go back to for a repeat of the past weeks.
In the meantime, even though I’m not back to normal, I’m so very thankful to be as improved as I am. I do have HOPE of healing, but NO MATTER what happens, what I now know, in my heart and soul, is “even if” it is well with my soul. I now know the Lord is with me, and He cares, and He’ll carry me through come what may.