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By nature I have a disorganized mind; I have multiple thoughts flowing at one time and even the slightest distraction can take me off in another direction in a nanosecond. This might be challenging enough if I lived in solitude. But, at present I live with: my spouse; two adult children; my “baby”,  a pre-teen daughter who has Down-syndrome and Autism;  my 9 month old granddaughter, whom I babysit while her mother finishes her senior year of college. And the females keep me in constant distraction; all three of them.

As a child growing up, I didn’t recognize being different than any other children. My reality was comprised of:  being easily overwhelmed by a messy bedroom to the point I simply couldn’t take the project on without help; lying on the grass, in summer, for hours at a time whilst staring up into a gorgeous blue sky watching clouds float by; being perpetually late due to a combination of too many distractions, both in getting ready for and along my walk to school; suffering constant reprimands for “dawdling”, “daydreaming” and the like. I thought this was a reality everyone shared; it wasn’t until adulthood I learned differently.

In the meantime, due to the demands of life, I learned ways and means of functioning and managing my time so as to get on well with the world around me. Learning to keep my exterior world and surroundings organized helped immensely in coping with my very disorganized interior world.

Actually it is when my son was in first grade that I learned about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Not ADHD mind you; like me he does not “suffer” with hyperactivity. (Sometimes I wonder if it would be helpful if I did). Thus it was, even though he is my second child, and the first does not have ADD, I didn’t think anything of the way he seemed to process life; it seemed perfectly normal to me. Apparently his teacher thought otherwise. Thus it was she who proposed he had ADD and informed me there is medication for it.

However, to know me is to know I’m very conservative when it comes to drugs. In consulting with a friend I was informed there are nutritional supplements that are useful in helping treat such conditions, so we chose to forgo the drugs and try the nutritional stuff instead. While I have every confidence our brain needs proper nutrition; and, I’ve learned, adequate sleep, I’m of the conclusion nothing will “cure” this unique way of processing. In the meantime, I’ve taken on the belief the way our brain works, (those of us who process in the manner to which we’ve been given the label ADD), is not necessarily a “bad” thing.

Apparently we process our experiences and thoughts differently and while some of us may find it extremely difficult to remain linear when telling a story, or to remain diligently focused on a project start to finish without concerted effort to shut out exterior distraction, we also have a lot to offer the world. I’d take time to list specifics in here, but to do so would require my doing research, which would only lead me on a tangent in which I might get lost on the internet for hours. As I’d like to wrap up my thoughts here, so as to get on to the task of actually cleaning up some of the clutter surrounding me, I’ll try to stay focused. This reminds me—

When I first sat down to write my thoughts were more or less to point out that where I have such a cluttered mind I “NEED” to live in a very organized environment to function at maximum efficiency. My first husband was, and likely still is, a very organized person. In that regard he was a real compliment to my life. It was never a struggle to keep our living environment neat and tidy and organized because his organizational skills paved the way for me to be able to keep our home that way. As for the yard and garage, he took care of that so I didn’t even need to think about it. It’s a shame there was that other “thing” of his, the “thing” that made it so I simply could not continue living with him.

Before my youngest child was born, a child with my current husband, I had both time and energy to keep a neat and semi-orderly house; this being managed despite the odds against me. In the past couple years, and especially this last year, I’ve found this to be a losing battle. In the past couple months I hit a point where I simply gave up and waved the white flag.

This is not to say I do nothing all day but blog and play on the internet. I still struggle along keeping up the critical matters of clean dishes, mopped floors, scrubbed toilets, clean laundry, etc. But I’ve stop fighting the clutter perpetrators. You know the people who function on the “let the crap fall, sit, store where it most easily drops, fits, goes” level. How they ever find anything later is a mystery to me. That they marvel to find hidden mysteries lurking below serves to humor me.

But most of all, that I am able to mostly turn a blind eye to the chaos without going insane is the most incredible thing of all. Well actually, to be honest, I’ve not turned a blind eye. I still see it; I’m simply choosing to not allow it to make me completely nuts.  And while I say I’ve waived my white flag of surrender, this may not be the most accurate depiction of my true intent.

The fact is, I cannot fathom living in clutter for the rest of my days. Perhaps it’s better to say: for the moment, while I’ve got other things more pressing (including tending to a very busy baby- at my age no less!), I’m resting. (Well again, that’s not the most accurate terminology, but you get my drift…)

My daughter will soon graduate from college at which time I anticipate she and my darling grandbaby will move to their own home. Then it’s “look out!” as, in borrowing a term from my “ex”, I’m going to “dung out” this place and once again restore order…even if it kills me in the process. (Dramatics and exaggeration fully intended)  🙂

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